i have a lot i need to do in the next few days. but then when i think of how badly i'm doing, how i just can't seem to get it, how i need to understand to do well, it just upsets me. thus, i just don't do anything and put it off until i absolutely need to.

what is this key ingredient that i am so desperately missing? i know the basics, but what can i do if most of the points come intuitive knowledge? what can i do if i'm being graded on something i may or may not have already learned? i understand what and where he's getting the numbers, but this is situation based. just because he does something in X situation, doesn't mean it will even apply on Z problem he throws at us on tests. it might. but it most likely won't and we need to intuitively know what to do. 

i know my problems are small and even absurd compared to what is going on with the world and other people's lives, but i just hate this feeling. i don't know how to fix it and my professor just tells me that i need to just look over the work.

Tagged in a meme, funsies. Also using this opportunity to spam my Beast icon I made a few nights ago~

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 5 people to be tagged. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
( ME ME AND MORE ABOUT ME )

( this is me emoing. feel free to skip )

Professor: Do you know what will happen on Wednesday? 
Me: I'm going to cry
Tara: My day of death
Guy behind us: Lord have mercy on our souls
Professor: (continues on) It's gonna be a good day! An amazing day where ya'll gonna come in, with your heads held high, confidently taking your exam. AND THEN I WILL ASSIGN HOMEWORK. How wonderful is that?!
Class: deadpans

I'm scared :(

I have no idea where half of the numbers are even coming from (from within thin air!). I can do the work fine, if all the numbers are provided for me plain as day...but when I get an assignment to calculate a single number, I also get like, 12 pages full of graphs, charts and extraneous information, then I just kind of fizzle and die.

My professor makes it seem really easy when he goes over it in class. "Oh yeah, you pick this number off of this chart and this number off of this other chart, multiply it by this number and bam! There we go. NPV" And I'm like FFFFFF WHAT ARE THE OTHER 15389383 GRAPHS FOR?! /flips table. 

This is worrisome since real life work will be similar to what we are doing in class. Businesses plowing you with boatloads of information and you will sit there and figure out what is necessary. I need a filter or something for this OTL

Besides that, nothing has been going on lately. I'm scheduled to attend another networking event. Not really looking forward to it since my social anxiety is getting worse. The thought of it makes me gag a little. 

...and I have no idea what I am doing. And prof is cutting office hours short today.

Gonna die.