<emo>
Ugh, I haven't done anything the last two months or so. My general lack of ambition is really annoying. :/

The last two months consists of:

• Fangirl-ed over Korean boys almost on a daily basis. DBSK and SJ is already a handful. And now I'm starting to warm up to 2PM. Great, another 7 some names to remember
• Pet Society. Neopets on facebook. So addicting. So shameful ><;
• Worked~~, Recon how I hate thee

What I REALLY need to do with my life this summer is:

• Study Chinese >>;
• Clean and tidy room and house
• Schedule my life properly. This includes work hours, school hours, extracurricular activities, not being "chunky"....

I have made a list and a wallpaper reminding myself of my goals for the Summer. But the root of my lack of ambition is I think, ultimately, the lack of companionship. Which is why I spend so much time on Pet Society and fangirling...it's a nice distraction.

Work takes up so much time and I miss seeing people. People my age who DON'T have grandchildren or backaches and who are actually MY AGE. I've already basically lost contact with some of my friends this summer and it's really upsetting because all my efforts to contact them have been met with excuses, brush offs and even nothing. Some aren't even here, and some have practically erased me from their lives. It's already hard enough to hang out with the different schedules, but I really wish they would at least try and stay after class for an hour or two...to hang out. Heck, I even try to finish work early so that we could hang out and I am met with "I don't want to's" and "I want to go home instead's" or nothing. Is one hour really too much? The friends that I have are amazing people, and I ♥ them much, but I just wish I don't have to latch on them so often. I feel like I'm a bother :(

Jackson and Fawcett only made this month seem crappier and I feel even worse whining about my trifles :(

On the good side, I will be able to apply for residency this month!! :D Cheaper tuition is always a cheer up!
Nando Fighting!
</ emo>

Well, after weeks of trying to contact my roommate, she finally replied. She just told me that she is actually joining a sorority and that the dorms were a back up plan for her. Well, she hasn't been admitted into one yet, so we might end up roommates after all, but she seems to really want to be in a sorority....well she seems nice enough.

So, after several weeks of being paranoid of what this girl is going to be like, I guess I have a fairly high chance of not rooming with her... D:

*sighs* I don't know, all day I've had this feeling that I'm easily replaceable...I mean, first my mom (unknowingly) said that I'm not much help and that everyone else can do things better than I can, then my mom's friends saying that I don't organize things correctly, then my roommate shows up and tells me that she's choosing a sorority over dorms (not that we were best buddies or anything, but it hit me in an odd way), and then others just going away/somewhere without trusting me enough to tell me directly. *shakes head* I also find it sad that no one seems to read this anymore....

...I guess all this weird emo stuff is mostly because of all of my friends going off to their schools, and I guess I'm paranoid that they will forget about the weird things we all done. Doh...this sounded better in my own mind...*feels stupid all of a sudden*

I think I'll go watch the mini-DBSK being cute...that'll cheer me up

Wow, I have not updated this since September 22nd. Wow..

Well, today's my birthday. I don't feel any different than yesterday or even 6 months ago. I think I'm the same person. But...I have been noticing that I just don't want to do anything except sleep these days. I haven't checked my LJ in forever, and my email (I just checked it) has been swamped with messages. I'm not sure if it's my health affecting me or even if it's just me being depressed...but I do know that I just have not been finding anything interesting lately.

I've also noticed that this has effected my schoolwork too. I take forever to finish anything now because I space out so much. In fact the other day on my AP Calc. test, I was drifting off most of the time and even fell asleep for several minutes. Classes that I usually enjoy are boring and take forever to end. I haven't been hanging out with my friends as much and have refrained from sending any emails or IM's.

I really don't know what's going on with me. I think it's because of school, work, and volunteering that I just want to spend a day at home to recuperate. I had last Friday off, but spent most of the day prepping for a test and helping my friend out. It (my symptoms) all seem to point to the fact that I just want to stay home for a while and have some peace and quiet.

Heck, my hands can't even stay warm now. That never was a problem before...