10 November 2011 @ 03:00 am
❀ 302  
I'm mentally and physically exhausted. sometimes i just wake up and i'm irreparably upset because try as i might, my day is still going to go terribly.

I'm tired of all the bullshit. i'm tired of people telling me that things are my fault (i know that already, okay. you don't need to remind me). i'm tired of people telling me that i just need to 'buck up', that i just need to try harder and stop complaining over nothing. i'm tired of wanting to do well, but knowing that i won't, that i just can't. i'm tired of trying so hard but still failing. i'm tired of being unhappy. i'm tired of feeling helpless about it.

i don't like being like this. 

 
 
( Post a new comment )
http://melonfucka.livejournal.com/: niki. a beat to the bone[identity profile] melonfucka.livejournal.com on November 10th, 2011 11:07 am (UTC)
I understand how you feel somewhat, bb. I wish you could just do what you want and do what's good for you, but I know that that's easier said than done. Don't push yourself so hard, Nancy, and try to ignore the people who are only pushing you down instead of trying to help pull you up. Do the best you can and hopefully everything else falls into place for you.
http://melonfucka.livejournal.com/: loki. the whole world is still on[identity profile] melonfucka.livejournal.com on November 10th, 2011 11:08 am (UTC)
OMG This sounds like a pamphlet for Spiritual Healing, I'm sorry lmfao
[identity profile] kiku-cha8-8.livejournal.com on November 10th, 2011 11:36 am (UTC)
thank you kayla ♥ i just need some time to hopefully regroup. it's really hard to do when everyone that can help me are being assholes about everything. i just hate this everything sjfsdjflsjdf
http://melonfucka.livejournal.com/: simon. tomorrow is too often[identity profile] melonfucka.livejournal.com on November 10th, 2011 12:04 pm (UTC)
Ofc ♥ Yeah that must be frustrating :c Just keep trying, yo. You'll be fine! fighting! ;;
[identity profile] canttakeabreath.livejournal.com on November 10th, 2011 01:03 pm (UTC)
wow. wow fuck these people and their ridiculous sense of entitlement and their inability to step away and examine why they're such miserable assholes.

just. just stay in your bubble. work for yourself. fuck everyone else i the entire fucking world and be happy for you and only you.

really rough fucking first draft and incomplete but

Key’s a bit different. Kyuhyun’s sure that had he been stuck living with the brat, Kyuhyun would never have had time to perfect his dancing or arpeggios, or anything other than expand the range of his hip’s flexion.

“What’d you think,” Key says when they’ve come backstage, when Key and shrugging out of his leather jackets and dabbing away the sweat on his neck, forehead, and chin. He asks again when Kyuhyun laughs and ignores him, when they’re in the car back to the hotel in the middle of Time’s Square, when they’re in the hotel room Kyuhyun has to himself.

“How do you even move like that,” Kyuhyun manages to say at some point in between frantically scrabbling for the lights, for Key’s shirt, for the bed.

“Yoga,” Key says primly, or as primly as someone bend over in half can possibly say. Kibum always manages to be a fucking pain even when his knees are trembling, when they’re rolling off the high of a concert, ears still ringing with the English of New York City’s fanatic cheers, when Kyuhyun has the lights on and the drapes open and anyone with a pair of binoculars could see them grabbing at each other, kissing and biting and leaving marks that even the most expensive foundation won’t cover.

Kyuhyun pushes Kibum further into the sheet, breathes, and refocuses. Key is still dressed, but his shirt’s stupid buttons are mainly undone. Kyuhyun bits his lip.

“You know, if you wore actual pants, this wouldn’t be a problem.”

“If you used your hands instead of your teeth, they’d be off by now.” But Kyuhyun’s hands are sliding up Key’s shirt, tracing the lines of his hips, up his chest, encircling his waist. He lowers his nose and nuzzles into Key’s inner thighs.

“I could stop.”

“You wouldn’t,” and Key thrusts forward into Kyuhyun’s face, cock brushing against his cheek. Kyuhyun sucks a bruise into Key’s hip, and teethes at the cotton leggings. Kibum’s right—Kyuhyun is desperately hard himself, It’s almost painfully dizzying, watching Key lean backwards, blond hair mussed, eyeliner smudged. Key smells of sweat and musk and something deep that Kyuhyun’s can’t quite identify.

“Fuck,” Kyuhyun thinks or saying or something in between the two, palming himself restlessly. “Just. Get out of these. “

Key rolls his eyes and leans forward, breath hot by Kyuhyun’s ear. “Can’t multi-task?” But he obliges, shifting away and curling his hands under his legging-pant-things, slipping them down. They catch on his knees, which Kyuhyun thinks about laughing at, but then he sees Key’s legs, all pale and curved and hairless. He remembers Key’s latest photoshoot, the ropes wound around his calves, up his thighs, around his hips. He wonders if Key fucked the stylist as well, if it was necessary, if Key was too fucking hard to fit into the costume.

He wouldn’t be surprised; it wouldn’t be the first time.
[identity profile] canttakeabreath.livejournal.com on November 10th, 2011 01:04 pm (UTC)
oh fuck you html
[identity profile] kiku-cha8-8.livejournal.com on November 12th, 2011 11:39 pm (UTC)
omg els. this is a late response but when i read your comment i was in tears. both fsdkjldsjfsomgporn and emo tears. ♥^∞!!
[identity profile] hopeandmemory.livejournal.com on November 10th, 2011 06:19 pm (UTC)
i don't like those tags. :( you're not stupid, and you don't deserve to have people blaming you for shit and discounting your feelings. it's not nice and doesn't serve any real purpose.

it really sucks to be stuck in one of those ruts of sadness, though. it's like, you want to feel better, but it's so hard and nothing is right and it feels like nothing you do will fix it. :/ ugh ugh ugh oh nancy i'm so sorry. :(

[identity profile] kiku-cha8-8.livejournal.com on November 13th, 2011 02:47 am (UTC)
*reaches for hugs* ;~~~;
[identity profile] intendedsarcasm.livejournal.com on November 11th, 2011 07:23 am (UTC)
stop whining you're stupid
we can share this tag tbqh
[identity profile] kiku-cha8-8.livejournal.com on November 12th, 2011 11:39 pm (UTC)
no only i'm allowed. because.
[identity profile] hitsujiga.livejournal.com on November 12th, 2011 03:36 pm (UTC)
gurl, you should onyl listen to yourself and not others. ofc part of you wants to do good...but the other part of you needs a rest don't you think? give yourself some extended me-time~
[identity profile] kiku-cha8-8.livejournal.com on November 13th, 2011 02:48 am (UTC)
ugh i don't have time for me-time jfdsfsdfs??? but thank you ;; ♥
[identity profile] placetohide.livejournal.com on November 13th, 2011 10:51 am (UTC)
Fuck the haters! You are fine the way you are. Nobody else is you, so they can't tell you what you need to do.
(Reply) (Link)